Hi all. So, long time no see. My apartment does not yet have internet, so I have not spent any free time on the internet, so I have not posted. Hopefully nothing incredibly major has come up for you guys. The people who have responded to this blog know who I really am, ao hopefully I didn't miss to much.
Well, God has certainly been doing a ton in my life recently. For the first time in many years I am having to deal with a roomate on a regular basis, that I am actually friends with (and hoping to stay that way). It has been one crisis after another. God has definitely been honing my confrontation, discussion, and contemplation skills. He has been using this to push me out to my quiet place more and more frequently. Unfortunately, the second issue is slightly more pressing and tends to hog my time with God.
Second issue: boys. Boys have always been a particular struggle to me. I never interacted with a non-family guy for more than 5 minutes at a time in my life before college. So, in addition to learning how to deal with being 1200 miles away from my family, adjusting from big city to not, and learning how to study without being told, ....I also had to figure out how to relate to guys. Needless to say, the first year of that discovery should be stricken from existence. In fact, as far as boyfriends go, the whole history should be stricken from existence. I have now mastered relating to guys as friends, I can now succesfully carry on a conversation of decent length. Usually when I develop a crush on a guy, all I have to do is hang out with him a bit, find something I don't like, and fixate on that until the crush goes away. This one is different. We will call the guy E, he has an e in his name, but it is not the first letter. Problem 1, the crush does not follow the usual pattern. Normally I watch romantic movies and put the guy in the male lead type of thing. This time, although I certainly think about him a lot, it is mostly in a platonic way. It is more a desire to hang out with him first, as opposed to make out with him (which is certainly a good thing, but it leads to problem 2). Problem 2 is that, apart from seeing each other once or twice a week and exchanging smiles, we have no contact (which makes it a little hard to find something I don't like). God has been sending me a lot of advice through my advisors. The most helpful thing so far is, imagine him asking out one of your best friends. This works in general, but it is such a painful idea right now, that I don't really want to dwell on it. I do not fantasize about our perfect wedding, partially because thats not where my fantasies lead right now, partially because as far as I can tell, he has no interest in any girl which makes it a little hard to picture him getting married any time soon. Currently I am reading "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris at the suggestion of a friend who recently went through the same thing. This is kind of leading to a third major problem in my life right now.
I have been trying to focus on strong Christian women in my life so I can become a Godly woman. I have kind of a list of qualities I am working towards, and daily habits to develop. JH's book gives a lot of advice on being patients and working to develop the character of a woman who could potentially get married if God chooses it. However, my motivation is really skewed. I am developing a lot of Godly qualities, but instead of developing them to serve God, I am developing them so I am ready to have E declare his intentions.
I am not really sure where I am going with this post. I guess I just wanted to get something up here so you would not think I had forgotten you, and to let you know what I am currently dealing with. The best thing I think I will work on is developing a heart totally for God, and a brotherly attitude toward E. Please be praying for me, and for him. 'Till next time, bless you all.
4 comments:
I randomly read your post and just wanted to give you some encouragement. Last summer I was caught up in a crush. I would only see the girl once a week and we never really talked, we were definately not good friends. I continually prayed off my feelings, asking that God would take them away if they were not from him. Meanwhile I observered her in the group, and found that she didn't have a strong relationship with God or good character. After 4 months, I asked a certain friend to pray with me about getting rid of the crush, and God took it away almost instantly.
My answer for everything is prayer. Always be praying (1 Thes. 5:17). Pray that God provides the best man possible for you to be your husband. Pray that God would build you up to be a godly woman who would be a real blessing to the man you marry, and that together you two could glorify God better than apart. Pray for patients. And be completely honest when you pray. God pulled me to be honest with him one day, and I prayed about the kind of woman I'd like to marry, and an hour later I met a woman that completely fits that. 4 months of friendship brought us to courtship. 7 months of courtship has us being best friends and seriously looking at marriage (if that's God's will).
God's got great things for you, just focus on him and everything falls into place(Proverbs 3:5-6). Grow in your relationship with God and someday, in God's perfect timing, God will bring the right man into your life, to court and marry you, all in God's time.
Hey,
As we all know, romantic affections for the opposite sex are normal and natural. God made us that way and it is good. When we get distracted by someone, note that this a natural thing, BUT it does not automatically mean it's a Spirit thing.
The Spirit would have us take those thoughts captive, lead them to Christ, and offer them to Him. The person in question is not ours to do with what we want anyway. If they are a Christian, they belong to Christ. If not, they are enslaved to the evil one.
I am convinced that Christ wants us to view each other as brothers and sisters (I Timothy 5:1-2 ...not to mention all the times that Paul, a single man, called those that he hung out with his brothers and sisters).
So instead of envisioning him asking out someone else, envision him as one of your actual brothers that you indicate you spent gobbers of time with in the past.
Don't worry. God is a great matchmaker. All the weddings in The Rock attest to that fact. Draw close to Him and He will draw you close to a brother in Christ who is the perfect match for you.
I know, He did it for me.
Tim B.
I say "Ditto!" to Tim's comment!
Sister, it has definitely been an encouragement to me to see your desire to have your life reflect what God is like.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
Yeah I just want to echo the call for prayer. Not just for the things that you think you should want, but really and truly telling God all that is on your heart and what you would like to have if you could have (no reason to feel guilty before him). Exhaust every detailed bit of that desire on God. Get it into the light and give it all to God so that he may do with it as he wills. He'll speak to your heart and grant you peace regardless of what he does with the desire.
Check the link on my last post for a good message that will tell you more. (Phil 4:6-7, John 3:19-21).
The saint who advances on his knees never retreats :P God bless, sis!
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